


The Saihara getting owned collection

by Robofucker69



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/M, Meme, Saihara hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 05:05:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17481746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robofucker69/pseuds/Robofucker69
Summary: a series of short stories about Saihara, as the title suggests, getting owned.





	1. Winter

**Author's Note:**

> none

It was a cold winter evening, and Kaede was sitting all alone on a bench.

"Aha!" Saihara thought to himself. "This will finally be my chance to meet my only love, _Kaede~_ " He proclaimed, clutching onto his Kirigiri waifu locket™ tightly for good luck.  
"I just have to sit down, and slide on in for the kiss!" The boring boy gently sat down a few inches away from her.

He silently counted to himself, closed his eyes, and held his arm out as he moved towards her.  
To his shock, he suddenly felt himself fall straight onto the ground. Slowly realizing that he somehow got teleported into a completely different world. One where everything was made out of purple geometric shapes, where he encountered some particularly mean looking clowns with masks, and was also playing some [suitably fitting MIDI music](https://onlinesequencer.net/1027353) for the beatdown Shuchi was about to get.

**"Come on!"** The wooden character yelled, "This was supposed to be my chance to be with her." Realizing that he needed to defeat these clowns to escape. He haphazardly ran around, awkwardly trying to get some hits in, but the clowns were far better than he could ever be.

Meanwhile, Ouma saw Kaede on that bench and went over to greet her.  
"Kaede! What are you doing out all alone so late? It's really cold out." The trickster who managed to curse Saihara asked. "I thought it would be nice to hang out here tonight." She replied back, "You're certainly right about it being super chilly though, but i think i know how to fix that. Come over here." She gestured for him to sit next to her, and surprised him with a hug.

"Kaede?" Kokichi shyly stated, only being able to respond by hugging right back. "Well? don't you feel warmer now? Let's stay like this for a while." Akamatsu responded as the two continued to spend some time cuddling with each other.

Meanwhile, Saihara was still having a hell of a time dealing with the surprise trap Ouma managed to set up. He managed to take out most of the clowns through sheer luck, but there was still one tough boi left to deal with.  
"Let. me. be. with. my. waifu!" Shuchi yelled at the clown, punctuating each shot by firing the _iconic_ Px4 at him. The Clown effortlessly dodging every bullet.

Saihara eventually ran out of ammo, and once again through luck, managed to hit the clown by throwing the gun at him in anger. [A cheery victory tune played](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QhfpoBwGJo) and Saihara was finally warped back to the bench.  
Unfortunately for him, The two had already left. With Kaede inviting Ouma over to visit her house. Leaving Shuchi to fall straight down on the bench in a mix of exhaustion/being injured from the clowns _kicking_ his ass.

 


	2. Spring

[(Cool new feature! This chapter will be read to you if you click this link.)](https://soundcloud.com/robofucker69/an-evil-genius-reads-you-a-story-about-a-hat-man-getting-owned)

  * Once upon a time, there was a wooden boy named Shuchi.
  * His only wish was to get Kaede's coochie.
  * One day, Shuchi was feeling pretty gucci, and thought tonight would be the night he would get a smoochy.
  * But there was one boi who would ensure this joy would not happen, his name was Ouma, and he had a diploma in showing how to own ya.
  * Saihara was at the grocery store, ready to start a new era with her. When Kokichi threw a rotary at his hosiery
  * The rotary promptly chomped on his ankles with a sharp "tharp!", Causing him to barrel down in peril.
  * Ouma used this chance to dance towards Kaede, who was more than happy to be his lackey.
  * The two tangoed out, leaving Saihara all alone with the phone, still using it's plastic to make sure he did not feel fantastic.
  * "Curse you Ouma!" He yelled out, needing a nurse to treat the adverse force that was still biting his inviting leg. Ending this chapter like a master.



 

 


	3. Summer

Kaede was lounging at the beach, wearing an enticing bikini. As Saihara was staring at her in the distance.

" _Frick!_ Kaede looks really hot like this. I really wish i could talk to her today." He proclaimed, trying his hardest to focus on actually meeting her, and not just staring at her body.

"There's no one else here, so surely this will be my chance." He slowly inched towards her, checking to make sure there was no potential hazards.

Halfway through his journey across the beach, it seemed like he would finally get his chance. "Kaede, i was wondering if you, um, wanted to go on a date with me?" He thought to himself, trying to practice how to chat with her. But he was taken by surprise when out of nowhere, a giant turret gun made of sand suddenly busted out of the ground, launching surprisingly powerful sand bullets at him.

 _"What the hell?"_ He shouted as the bullets harmlessly pushed him right back where he began. "How does he even do this?" and just like that, Ouma had appeared in his field of vision, and walked over to Kaede like nothing happened.

"Hey Ouma." Kaede said as she noticed him. "I forgot to put my sun tan lotion on, do you think you can help rub it on me?" Appending her question with a smirk. "I guess i can?" Kokichi replied back, a bit taken aback by the fact she was coming onto him.

"I was hoping you'd say that," She teasingly stated, "There's a few incredibly sensitive spots i need you to get it on, i think you should know where they are, _hehe~_ "

* * *

****ATTENTION: Unfortunately, this fic is rated T, so i'm afraid you will not get to see what adventurous experience Kaede and Ouma had together on that beach. But i'm certain that some of the more mature members of the audience are certainly having a good time imagining the possibilities. In that case, i would highly encourage you to share your work to me on Twitter. I'd really enjoy that, especially if it's drawn artwork.**

**As for Saihara, the Turret continued to push him away, leaving Ouma to stare at him mockingly while having his "adventure" with Kaede. By the time he FINALLY figured out how to get past it. They had already left. Leaving him once again to keel over in exhaustion.****

* * *

 

 


	4. Fall

Saihara had **enough.**

Ouma had foiled his attempts at being with Kaede several times at this point, and he was incredibly _angry_ at him.

**"Kokichi you asshole!"** He yelled while swinging a right hook at the trickster. One that he was easily able to dodge.

_"What's wrong, Aiden-kun? Could it be that you're craving my Oumussy? Nishihi!"_ Ouma replied, clearly laughing at how plain he is.  
 _"You know, you're right, i shouldn't have been mean to you. Kayaday probably would have liked you if you actually met her."_ Saihara was not enjoying what he was hearing, but no matter how many times he tried to hit him. Kokichi could duck and weave through every strike.  
 _"In fact, i know just what she likes. So i've decided to give you a gift."_ Ouma handed the angry hat man a rather dapper looking duck clad in white. _"Give this to Kaede, and she'll be more than happy to be with you!"_  
 **"One, My name isn't Aiden fricking Pearce or whatever the hell you call him. Two, i know this duck is a trap that probably explodes or some ridiculous shit like that, and three, Kaede is supposed to be my girlfriend, not yours!"**   Saihara was absolutely furious that Ouma was still trying to troll him after all this. and finally grabbed him.  
 _"You're right, Pearce."_ Kokichi casually replied towards his threatening action. _"That duck was a bomb, but i don't need it to get rid of you at all!"_

Before Shuchi could even figure out what Kokichi was talking about, he suddenly got sniped in the **head**. Launching the two several feet forward, and leaving his head stuck in a trash can.  
Off in the distance, was Maki Harukawa. Who had successfully completed her objective of assassinating Aiden Pearce.

"He's down." Maki proclaimed to her headset.

"Excellent work, temp agent." A mysterious female voice said through it. "You really are the ultimate assassin. Thanks to your work, all dimensions are now safe from Aiden Pearce and his villainous attempts at 'vigilantism.' Not to mention his concerning obsession with Kaede."  
"You know, I think you would make an excellent new recruit for us. My current agent is _well..._ **Really** starting to show his age a bit." The voice then shared a lengthy set of stories about her current agent, detailing such incidents as the time he spent several hours waiting for his target to sell off confidential info before giving up out of boredom, or how his attempt at infiltrating a private hospital nearly ended in disaster as he had a ton of trouble getting used to the inability to smuggle any equipment on-site.

"I'll take that job, never really had a chance to use these skills before today." Maki replied, As Ouma got back up from being launched with Saihara.

"So uh, Maki. Was that duck toy really an Explosi-" Much to Ouma's shock, the Duck **blew up** just a few feet away from him. "oh."

And so, Kokichi and Kaede continued to be friends with benefits, with Kaede's "benefits" increasing exponentially after he got married to Kiibo and Miu. Maki became one of the world's greatest hitmen in another dimension, with the agent she replaced taking numerous odd jobs in _her_ dimension, before finally settling on being a drummer.  
and Saihara stayed dead. Never getting the chance to be with his "waifu".

 

**THE END**


End file.
